PittsburghThoughts

Do you have your magic underwear on?

Did you cry like a bitch when you were being tortured?

You think this is all pretty funny don't you?

... awww, forget it.

People say that you resemble Gomer Pyle both

physically and politically, in light of that, 

how's Goober and Aunt Bea?

Do you ever feel like punching someone?

How can you be such a dick?

Do you really believe that your hot wife, Cindy,

17 years your junior, actually married you out of love?

Have you ever actually seen a black man face to face before this race?

Shouldn't you be bowing down to Mecca about now?

 ... awww, forget it.

I'm the same age as you but look a lot older,

is there a painting of you somewhere that's aging

while the devil waits for your soul?

You've touted your weight loss, exercise,

and diet as an example of how you've taken

control of your health and suggest the

American people do the same rather than

support any form of government health care.

Do you think now that you've started gaining it back

due to the stress of the campaign that you

should modify your position, do ya fatty?

You've told countless lies about how heroic you

were during the 9-11 attack, about how qualified

you are to be president, never hesitating  to heap

praise on yourself, why do you emulate

George W. Bush when he's so unpopular?

Since you staked out a pro-war position, a pro-torture position,

a pro-preemption position, couldn't just one of your boys sign

up for the military just so you don't look like such an elitist, hypocritical asshole?

Do you have your compact with you?

Is what Lenny Bruce said about a black man's dick

true, that it's like a baby arm with an apple in it's hand?

Aren't you knee deep in corporate campaign money

and aren't you beholding to those same corporate interests

whose policies you claim to oppose on behalf of the American people?

Same question.

?

?

? 

I don't take no corporate money!!! Don't you follow the news or what? I'm going to punch someone right in the fucking head ... FUCK YOU JOHN KERRY!!! FUCK EVERYONE!!!

I'm the president RIGHT NOW! I declare myself president for LIFE and BEYONDDDDDD (issues a  Howard Dean-like scream) DDDDDD!

Their will be a brief pause while the candidates

drag John Edwards in the back room and

pound the shit out of him.

Now, that's what I call an exciting debate!