PittsburghThoughts

I'm tired, my legs are tired, I walked and walked and walked, I feel like I was on a vision quest to the Himalayans and all I got was this lousy tee shirt, except I didn't get a tee shirt.

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Such are the contradictions of working muscle tissues in order to strengthen them. Normal people, the ones not sitting home on disability, living the good life, like me, must work and we all know from 9th grade science, work, means moving mass through space, in, of itself, exercise.

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But, I want to be strong. I don't want to be shriveled and old. The minute I heard of muscle entropy, I knew it wasn't for me. Brain entropy maybe...In short, I want to be the best looking corpse in the funeral home.

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One of my favorite sayings, favorite, because I invented it, is, IT'S EASIER TO STAY IN SHAPE THAN IT IS TO GET IN SHAPE. And. I believe that, so I often make the argument that I work out because I'm lazy.

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When not in shape and doing abdominal exercise, such as sit-ups for instance, one gains a keen appreciation of muscle tissue. Because, deceitful, euphoria inducing endorphins lull our bodies into a false sense of great physical alacrity, the afore mentioned sit-up's effect on the weak, unconditioned abdominals is best compared to a mule kick to the solar plexus with the next two days generally spent neither breathing or moving.

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But, I see the benefits to my "program" on the horizon: the Errol Flynn bravado and flamboyance, the Rocky Balboa determination and the Chuck Norris endorsement. While I'm not naive enough to believe I'll reverse the aging process, I'm vain enough to believe that a true hunk is waiting deep inside this disheveled, gelatinous glob of a pusillanimity to, someday, kick sand in some skinny prick's face right in front of his disproportionately drawn girl friend.    Gene