PittsburghThoughts

Doctor, is that a colonoscope in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? 

One of my liver doctors recommended that I have a colonoscopy, due to either:

a. unexplained changes in my potty habits or,

b. he likes to do colonoscopies.

I've had one before. The procedure itself is a piece of cake, probably chocolate, mainly because they knock you out cold. I was just knocked out cold earlier this week when I had my second carpal tunnel surgery, I'm growing rather fond of it.

Every silver lining has a cloud somewhere attached and this one is no exception. The digestive tract must be squeaky clean before the doctor goes where few have gone before and this requires extreme measures. For those who have never had one; I'm not trying to discourage you from having one, if you're over 40, blah, blah, blah. But prepare yourself for a most unpleasant night, the night before.

The first time I had to drink a gallon of Golytely/nulyely/peg-lavage solution, known throughout the shitting world as "Go-lightly," I thought it an impossible task. I was almost right. I ask myself had I ever drank a gallon of anything over a 2 hour period before? The intuitive answer is "Of course not, that would be insane," until I remembered beer. Oh, yes, beer is consumed in a large quantities over a short period of time by many people in many lands, usually at sporting events, or when the drinking of the beer is considered, in, of itself, a sport. I had achieved at least Olympic silver in my long career as a hops and barley aficionado.

The 5 hour squirt marathon is over and I am finally ready to meet man, machine, nurse and anesthetist.  Lights, camera, action, Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up!    Gene