PittsburghThoughts

 Reflections on parenting,

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Aren't we confronted by it at every turn, the reticence to speak our mind, knowing that feelings and relationships hang in the balance? And once the dark science of navigating a path of expression is applied, the last stop sign abruptly appears: Keep your mouth shut, you are just as guilty.

So, we tolerate less than favorable behavior, whether from our spouses, our adult children, or our peers, knowing that they exacerbate bad situations while we stand mute. Of course most people have a tipping point at which time they, we, may also exacerbate a bad situation by broaching the taboo of prescribing behavior.

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As humans, as our contact amongst others increases into ever widening circles, our control within those circles decreases, and so it should. There are those that do not respect these limits and we avoid them as surely as an acid bath. They are a curious breed and contain within their meddling certainty the capacity for much good and much evil. To find someone honest and wise and not driven by self interest is so rare, we barely give it a thought.

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But, egos being what they are, only allow the negatives to seep through while the intentions, no matter how true or instructive, are regarded as insolent intrusion.

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History and personal history both show that people will unknowingly, accept the consequences of a bad choice rather than heed a better one because consequences, albeit, perceived ones, are the very things that were first sought to be avoided, i.e.; I didn't want to raise an argumentative, difficult child but I did because I was argumentative and difficult in the raising of him.

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All this beating around the bush misses the point, I am upset with my daughter's child rearing skills. I was not a model father but I can't remember endlessly harping and carping over every minor infraction or act of defiance.

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The long view is not something that comes easily or naturally and is best acquired through example. Perhaps I didn't provide it, perhaps that is another part of the parent's burden; to see the truth, but too late, after our best opportunities have wilted and the fruit of our wisdom lies rotted on the vine.   Gene