And now for a new feature I call, Mailbag, where I answer readers questions:
Q. Gene, you haven't written for a while. What's up?
A. It's because of people like you that I haven't written, always prying and never satisfied. You make me sick!
Q. Gene, I really enjoy your blogs do you think you'll ever write professionally?
A. Go ahead rub it in. I'm only good enough to write for a stupid blog right? What's your claim to fame asshole?
Q. Your ideas are always well thought out and your writing is unique. Do you teach classes?
A, Yes on how to go fuck yourself.
Q. Gene, I see that you haven't been well are you ok?
A. I'm good thanks. Now go get your shoe shine box!
Q. Gene, I'm available for sex, how about it?
A. Look you lousy three holed punch, what do I look like, no change that, what do you look like?
Q. Gene, I'm on the liver transplant list can you give me any advise?
A. Always look both ways before crossing the street, use your seat belt and make peace with yourself and God if you believe there is one.
Q. I don't have a question but I found a 1955 double strike penny the other day. Hooray for me!
A. I'd like to double strike you.
Q. Aren't you just old and full of hate?
A. My name is Gene, not John McCain.
Q. Would you vote for Obama again?
A. Damn straight the white man has kept us down long enough!
IQ. Aren't you white?
Q. Why are you so angry?
A. It's my gig.
Q. So it's just a show?
A. Yes, really I'm shaking in my boots and afraid of everything. Did you hear that noise? IS SOMEONE IN THE HOUSE? I wish I had a gun right now.
Q. If you had a twin brother and he traveled at the speed of light in a rocket ship for twenty years when he returned who would be older?
A. In theory I would be, he'd just age a few minutes, but tthe speed of light is impossible to attain because as you approach it, mass become infinite. Soon there wouldn't be enough energy in the entire universe to propel you any further, and, he'd probably be squashed like a bug from the pressure long before he came close.
Q. Do you believe in evolution?
A. Not in your case.
Thanks, keep sending those questions. Gene