04/02/2011

The state of the state

Surpriseligly, I feel better today.  This week and last week have been a whirl of doctor visits, tests and feeling very sick. The kicker is the tremor and the weakness that I've felt. I guess that makes two kickers.

My world consists or the red chair, the TV and sometimes, the couch. I haven't had to take a bathroom cabinet full of new drugs though, if anything the doctors cut back on them. But I do take a laxative to flush the ammonia out of my system. The increased ammonia levels are[[[[ responsible for my confusion. I couln't write the bills out yesterday. When your liver is shot, no job is too small and no number is too big to trip you up. You feel the ultimate in frustration and you cry.

Maybe my crying or all the good people that say the'll pray for me turned the tables a bit, but today, I felt better. I wish I could say I saw death as a personage like in the Ingrid Bergman movie where the noble night plays him a game of Chess for his life ... Maybe if we thought in symbols more ...

But, unless an accident is involved, death comes in sickness. A bummer for modern man who should die on the battlefield, holding his talisman and knowing no fear.

Today was a reprieve.  In fact, the medical community has given me a reprieve. If they call with a liver I have to be ready to leave right NOW. The second time Liver surgery is more difficult, the mortality rate soars around and you have to pretty sick to begin with before they'll consider you for a transplant. A second transplant is something that a lot of hopitals won't even do.

So pray for this deceased body and this bereft soul, some day I may do the same for you.   Gene